My Bible

This is sort of a response to my mom's recent blog post about Bibles.

The Bible

I learned to read in Kindergarten. I was pretty proud of myself for accomplishing something before any of my classmates did. I distinctly remember visiting my great grandma afterwards, and feeling that pride swell up inside me as my parents told her. “Grace learned to read this week!” my dad shouted into her hearing aid. “What?” she asked. “GRACE LEARNED TO READ!!” With that, she nodded and turned to her bookshelf. “Read this.” she said, as she pulled out a little Bible. Then, with a very shaky hand, she filled out the “Presented to” page. (afterwards, I wrote “when I learned to read” in the “occasion” blank with a childish scrawl and a gold gel pen.)

There was nothing special about that Bible. It was your typical cheap maroon book with “Holy Bible” stamped on the front in gold letters. The gold on the side of the pages had begun to wear off, completely gone now, and there was a strange green-ish stain on the side. There was nothing special about the appearance of the book, but it was special to me. It was a free gift, and it was mine! I felt honored that my great grandmother would give me something of my very own. Nevertheless, I put it in my room, by my bed and never read it for years.

My sparkly Adventure Bible came with me to church every week and to summer camp, where I got saved. I learned to improve my reading skills, but I still didn’t read the Bible. My life didn’t change much. I began to doubt my salvation in steadily increasing amounts. As the Holy Spirit’s prompting grew, I stayed awake at night, when I didn’t have distractions, thinking about God and hell. I wondered if God was even real… then I panicked with the thought that maybe He was real, and I was going to go to hell because I didn’t think He was! One night when I was 12, I was so scared, that I turned on my lamp, and picked up that old Bible to read a passage. It was a pretty random passage, Acts 1, I think, but it comforted me. Although it was an ordinary passage, it came with the promise of Christ’s return, directed to me personally! This was the first time I experienced the Bible as “living and active.” Given no time to contemplate it, though, all I knew was that things got better when I read the Bible.

Thus began my nightly devotions. As I started to see that God is very real and willing to know me on a personal level, the old Bible’s sentimental value began to grow. I still had other Bibles I used for taking to church and camp, or some left upstairs for family devotions, but this one was the perfect size for reading by myself. It makes sense, then, that every small epiphany I had in my faith happened while reading that Bible.

The plan

I have made a good friend at school since my very first art class at Butler. He’s always been in most of my art classes, and we have had lots of chances to talk. Spiritual conversation is not typically easy to bring up, but I managed, and it wasn’t awkward at all. God put him on my heart, and I had been praying for his salvation. For once in my life I felt really comfortable talking about my beliefs to someone. The conversations we had were never much, but I know what he believes, that he’s confused, and that he knows where I stand. He knows that I have to be concerned for him because this is real, whether or not he thinks it is.

I’m ready to make it uncomfortable again.

I realized suddenly last Thursday that I need to give him my Bible. It has to be my special Bible; no other one would have the same meaning. It only makes sense that I share. He never would have known how great vanilla crème cookies from the vending machine were unless I shared with him. I did, and now he knows that they’re great. Jesus is great too. Why not share?

It has been harder than I thought. I cried a lot after I decided to give my Bible away. It’s one of my top three prized possessions, and I had planned to carry it with my bouquet down the aisle next June. I don’t own another soft, small Bible, and it will be missed. It wasn’t a big deal when I received it, but years later it became important to me. Maybe it could be that for someone else.

Pray for this.

Thanks!